Wondering why or did I see
How the heart mends
Without any seams.
Tragedy, chaos and most likely strife
Rip holes in my being
Then along comes kindness
Dipped in strength
Changing everything.
A smile, a laugh, a gentle caress
Hold me together
Thru anything.
I’m not wondering
I know, I see
With love my heart mends
Without any seams.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2014
Aggy died five years ago today.
Such a sweet and gentle soul who never rose to lofty heights in the sport
chosen for her
Hers was not a career of high scores, trophies and trials won
She didn’t want that.
It was not in her nature even though her breeding said she should excel.
She didn’t see the sense in it.
She did see sense in love, hugs, play and snuggles. The highlight of her day was cuddles on the sofa between myself and my husband. In between us so that she could sniff, touch his hair, be near him. She adored him.
He only saw our rottie, Ursa.
Her and I had history. I was the one who insisted she train,
keep working in the sport, live up to what was expected of her. 
Even when she let me know without any doubt how she felt.
She held a grudge in this, she always remembered and didn’t think I should forget either.
Aggy loved the strong, handsome type of guy.
And that would be Kado, the big, gentle Cane Corso around the corner.
To go over to Kado’s home, hang out, play in his backyard,
race around the pond was so much enjoyment for her.
Even then, she got shortchanged.
Kado had eyes only for Ursa.
She would watch them play, Kado going into the pond,
retrieving a toy then coming out and giving it to Ursa. They’d play with it and then they would do it all over again.
Aggy would try and attract his attention, get him to notice her.
He never did that I saw.
In this, she never held a grudge or blamed Ursa.
They were best friends, confidants, kennel mates, soulmates. 
Five years ago on this day, there was no hope, no cure,
no medication to reverse the outcome.
Aggy was true to her nature, her way of doing things,
no matter what others thought how she should act.
Her attitude that day as my husband tried to say goodbye,
spend time with her alone, you could see her saying,
“You didn’t have time for me when I wanted you too, forget it now!” 
And then with her characteristic determination, she headed for the truck.
Her jaw set, her focus clear. I could hear her say,
“Lets get this over with before I change my mind”.
Sitting in the back of the truck, my husband driving,
her focus, I believe was on what was to come.
She sat, watched the countryside past.
I cried, reached back and tried to comfort her.
She paid no attention. 
When the time came, she was her dear sweet, gentle, brave, stoic self.
I sobbed. She kept herself in control. No emotion.
Tough.
Just as the death sentence took over, she looked up to the sky.
Watching something high over my shoulder.
I was afraid to look back, to see what she was seeing.
A quiet calmness came over her, her rigidity was gone.
She was gone.
I brought her collar home.
Ursa held her head up, her neck outstretched waiting for me to put it on her.
I did. I sobbed and held her close.
We mourned our friend, our loved one together.
Aggy, you taught me much.
You taught me to stick to my beliefs
Follow my heart despite all those who believe they know what is best for me
Never waver, never lose hope
Speak your mind, no matter the consequences, you will survive
And above all,
Love unconditionally
Aggy, sweet Aggy
I love you, love you still,
Unconditionally.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2018
You are on my journey
I’m on your path
The way, it wanders but I can see
There is no more wrath.
Quiet acceptance
Honouring you, honouring me
Moving on into each our destinys.
I am on your path
You are on my road
We pass by smiling full with love
Wondering what life does hold.
Bide your time
I’ll let it be
A wondrous world spreading out
In front of thee.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2013
May my soul find the secrets
Hidden deep in my heart
May the pleasure never
Ever, ever depart.
May I find justice
For the things unfairly done
And may the sun shine
On all those I love
Each and everyone.
May I find the strength
To stand up straight
And not waiver
In the thoughts
That can make me see
Greatness
Greatness in all of thee.
Yes
May my soul believe
And see
All that is wondrous
In this secret place
Called me.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2013
I wrote this 4 years ago but believe it still applies today.
Something to strive for, to accomplish.
Once more I write 2013. Still strange and scary in some way.
Gone, lost, done is the 2012 year.
Whatever I had wanted to accomplish in that year
I did – or – I didn’t.
It has ended now and I can’t change one bit of it.
Regrets? Yes.
Devastating? Most certainly.
Truly heart-warming? Yes, and much more.
Now I must move on, make this new year the best that I can.
Will I have setbacks and heartache?
Most likely.
But I know I will also have experiences that will take me to the top.
Joy, happiness, success and most of all, love.
This I know because I will make it so.
This is my plan. My resolution for this new year.
Come join me, make it your best year yet. Filled with happiness, love and those wonderful experiences that will carry you thru any dark days that do occur.
And be…
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May the sun shine bright
On the season
May joy and happiness
Be yours tonight.
May your heart be filled
With all things glorious
May you feel love
Tonight.
~ Patrice
© Patrice Clarkson – 2016
Available at PatriceClarkson.com
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